I thought before you turned three I’d potty train you.
I thought we’d be working on sharing and picking up toys before you turned three.
I never ever would have imagined that you would be diagnosed with cancer before you turned three.
Oh buddy, I can’t write those words without crying.
Chubbers, you have handled cancer like it’s any old thing.
You are smart and sassy, you know what you like and are quick to say what you don’t like.
You have your own special words for things: guys (Minions), living room (the clinic), ice pack (iPad), purple bagels (cinnamon raisin bagels), why not? (When? Why? What?), jello sandwich (peanut butter and jelly sandwich).
A small part of me wishes that when you get older, you won’t have any memory of this, the hardest year, but a bigger part of me hopes that you remember our love, our bonds. The way our family has come together, the way we all scramble to be with you, to cuddle you, carry you, do whatever you need.
I hope you remember the way you touch people’s lives: doctors, nurses, housekeeping, other families walking this same road- The light of Christ shines in dark places, and you radiate with joy, peace and love.
I hope you remember the countless ways people have loved on you and our family. People have done little and big things, too many to count, to help you walk through this season. I hope their generosity inspires you to be a person who gives freely and serves others.
And if by chance, you grow up and forget this season, you can count on your momma to remind you of this road. Because it has been here that we’ve found who we are. We have grown, and stretched and found who we really are when everything is dark and scary. We knew in the light, but we can say without a doubt, that in the dark is where Jesus holds you tight and where faith is all you’ve got to hold onto, because there aren’t promised days, and we’ve found that faith and God are enough. We’ve always known that, but now we know that deep in our bones. He holds. He holds. And we will testify to that truth for all our days.
Chubbers, momma loves you more than I can say, and it is joy and honor to be your momma in all seasons.